The Annual Christmas Letter

Dear friends & family,

The annual “here’s what we’ve been doing” letter is a tradition for many families, and Eddie and I have decided to join in the festivities. So, without further ado…

Living in Japan has been both exciting and challenging. Driving on the left side of the road was intimidating at first, but is much easier now that Lori is driving instead of Eddie. Learning the language would probably be easier if we’d bought Japanese language books instead of Swahili, but we’ve learned to communicate with the locals through the use of gestures, pictures, and the medium of dance, so we’re getting by. Language aside, one of the difficulties has been keeping track of two currency systems, as we use both dollars and yen here (dollars on base, yen off). For the sake of simplicity and consistency, we are appealing to the Japanese and U.S. governments to convert all currency on Okinawa to the peso.

It’s been a roller coaster of a year, and Eddie’s career definitely had its ups and downs. After scoring exceptionally high on all his tests, as well as being in the right time and place to administer the Heimlich Maneuver to a choking Commodore, he was promoted numerous pay grades and became a two star Admiral. Sadly, this promotion didn’t last long. While he proved to be a competent leader and looked pretty damned good in the uniform, he took the fall for the infamous – and still mostly classified – scandal known only as “The Tickle-Me-Elmo Incident”. He was promptly brought back down to the rank of Second Class Petty Officer. At least they let him keep the uniform.

Lori also had some highs and lows. Using only a can of WD-40, some grapes, and a half-chewed cat toy, she discovered cold fusion. The science community was all abuzz and she was subsequently nominated for the Nobel Prize in Physics. However, an unfortunate clerical error put her on the short list for the Literature prize instead, and she was summarily disqualified due to allegations of plagiarizing Chaucer and Hemingway. To make matters worse, while she was testifying and pleading her innocence, the only prototype and all copies of the plans were stolen. The investigation continues, but Polynesian Mafia is thought to be responsible.

Last May, we received an e-mail from a previously unknown relative in Nigeria, claiming that we’d been left a substantial sum of money, which would be given to us if we promptly e-mailed them our banking information. We thought it was a scam, but they just seemed so darn nice, so we gave them the information. As expected, we received $65,000,000 the next morning. But fools and their money are soon parted, and after three solid days of drinking copious amounts of Habu sake, the money was gone. Witnesses say that we blew most of it trying to learn the complex Japanese gambling game of Pachinko. The rest was spent on colorful knickknacks and socks.

Oh, and somewhere amidst all this excitement, Eddie became a supervisor for Harbor Patrol and joined the command’s color guard, and Lori sold four books, two of which were released in late 2009.

Here’s to more highs and fewer lows in 2010.

All the best, happy whatever-holiday-you-choos

e-to-celebrate-or-just-enjoy-the-damned-season-if-you-aren’t-the-celebratory type,

Eddie, Lori, Annie, & Midget