Ah, My Nemesis...So We Meet Again.

Over the last few days, pretty much since I got the contract for Between Brothers, it's been like pulling teeth to get anything written. I worked on revising Rules of Engagement and With The Band, figuring I just needed some time away from writing something new. But each time I go back to Between the Lines or try to write the new chapters for With The Band, I'm just not feeling it.

What the hell?

Then I remembered: I've had this feeling before. Specifically, after I sold Playing With Fire.

My nemesis, Performance Anxiety, is paying me a visit.

It's not writer's block, it's not burnout, it's just the fear that I won't be able to do it again. It's like this irrational fear that there is a finite amount of creativity in me, and each time I write something I really like or sell something, I feel like I've run out or I'm going to run out. Like I'm down to the last three cookies in the package and want to make them last as long as possible, so I don't dare eat them.

It's a frustrating feeling, but it will pass, as it always does. I'll wake up one morning and realize that it was stupid to save the last three cookies, because I have five more packages hidden strategically around the house.

I'm calling it a day today, simply because I'm going cross-eyed from hours of editing With The Band . Tomorrow, Eddie and I are probably going out to cause mischief and mayhem here in Japanistansylvanialand. This will give me some time to clear mah brainz.

Then, I'm going to come home and eat the last three cookies.

Fuck you, Performance Anxiety.