Movie Review - Clash of the Titans

It's been a while since I've seen the original Clash of the Titans, and I'm a little rusty on my Greek mythology, so I don't know precisely how accurate the film was (or how accurate they were trying to be). I do know they took some considerable liberties with the original mythology, I'm just not sure how much of that was in keeping with the original film. That said, here's my review...

Special Effects: Considering this was a 3-D movie, and it was touted as being visually stunning and all of that nonsense, color me surprised as hell when it was "meh". I mean, some of the effects were pretty cool, but the 3-D effects were underused enough I was actually annoyed that I'd paid to see it in 3-D rather than on the regular screen.

Accuracy: As I said, I'm not sure how much of the diversion from the original myth was from the first film (it's been years since I've seen it, and my mythology is rusty), but it was enough to annoy me. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Athena the one who guided Perseus? Weren't Perseus and his mother cast away by her father, not her husband? And didn't Perseus' mother not only survive the thwarted execution, but raise him? I also don't recall Perseus traveling with a bunch of merry men in his early days. Whether by choice or circumstance, I seem to recall he traveled alone. Props for turning Pegasus black for this film, though. I mean, it's nice to see the hero not ride a white horse for once, and it did give them an excuse to cast a Friesian in the role of Pegasus. Oh, and after seeing Zeus in all his glittery, shimmery glory, I'm fairly certain at least one member of the special effects team worked with or was inspired by Twilight. This is not a compliment.

Acting: Sam Worthington was there to provide mancandy. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes were there to provide some finely aged, serious acting. Between the three of them, they still couldn't bring this film out of the deep, murky depths of failure. Worthington was hot and generally as okay as the crappy script allowed, but someone might have mentioned to him that most Greeks lacked Australian accents. I'm not one to criticize the random, gratuitous insertion of an Australian drawl, but...sexy though it was...it didn't quite fit. (Sort of like Alexander the Great occasionally sounding like he was from Dublin in a certain crappy movie from a few years ago...fail, Mr. Farrell. Fail.) ANYWAY. Fiennes came across as an emo asthmatic with a permanently stiff neck and a serious need for some extra strength Visine. Neeson was...blah. Maybe I just couldn't get past his incessant sparkling, but whatever the case, Zeus didn't impress me.

Entertainment Value: Meh.

Dialogue: I guess since it's an ancient myth, everyone of importance needs some sort of overdone accent. Or something.

Commentary from my Inner Writer: Oh good Lord, where do I start? Coincidence as a plot device, "as you know, Bob" dialogue, anticlimactic battle scenes, choppy storytelling...blarg.

Overall: Color me unimpressed. I could have dealt with deviating heavily from the original myth if the storytelling hadn't been so awful, but it was, so I can't.

And seriously...let's think about this for a moment: This was obviously a big budget movie. It was totally designed to let the special effects guys work their magic and create a visually badass masterpiece. I mean, the titans of Greek mythology in 3-D using current special effects technology? Seriously?? Does that not sound like the perfect combination to create a spectacular movie? In the film's climax, you have Zeus, Hades, Perseus, Pegasus, and the FUCKING KRAKEN doing battle at Argos. You know...TITANS. CLASHING. SO THERE IS CLASHING OF TITANS.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE THAT SCENE ANTI-CLIMACTIC??? HOW??? I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW???

*sigh*

I think I'll go see Iron Man 2 again.