At least they left the kitchen sink.

Apparently, having lived on Okinawa for the past two years, I've forgotten what it's like to have to constantly worry about my possessions being stolen. I mean, this is a place where I could - theoretically - leave my $1,200 camera on the passenger seat of an unlocked car with the windows cracked, and both car and camera would still be there when I returned. In fact, I'd probably come back and find the lens cleaned and the batteries charged. That's not to say I would leave my car unlocked or my camera unattended, but you get the idea.

So it was with more than a little shock that I discovered the tenants occupying (read: destroying from the inside out) our house in Virginia had stolen a few things. After all, who the hell steals ceiling fan blades? (Answer: the people renting my house)

Oh, but it would seem my house, while it sat vacant during the post-tenant repair and cleanup period, was ripe for the picking. The picking of what, you ask, since it was vacant?

Copper.

Lots and lots of copper.

Some motherfucker in Virginia just scored some serious cash off a load of copper wiring and copper tubing, all courtesy of MY HOUSE.

Really, people? Really? Do you want some shingles, a toilet (new, since the tenants destroyed the last one), and a few windows, too? Hell, roll up my lawn and sell it as sod.

I know times are tough, folks, but Jesus. Times are tough for the rest of us too. Especially when our house is uninhabitable and cannot be rented until yet ANOTHER claim goes through on our homeowner's insurance (after we cheerfully let them bite another deductible out of our hide) and MORE repair work can be done. Thanks, assholes.

To the person or persons who went into and under my house to help themselves to all things copper, I wish upon you the most excruciating case of hemorrhoids imaginable, and a pharmacist who replaces your Preparation H with a tube of highly concentrated habanero paste. I hope this strikes the night before your court date for stealing my copper.

Do enjoy sitting on that hard bench for three hours while you wait for the judge to call you up.