Saturday, October 4, 2008

My cat is evil.

As I've mentioned in a previous entry, one of my cats has developed evil superpowers. When given attitude by a mover, she used her allerginetic powers to weaken him, then caused him to fall and break his collarbone. Later, she teleported across the bathroom as a not-so-subtle warning to me about her increasing abilities. During her recent visit to the vet, she drew blood from several people and actually made the vet consider drawing some of her own blood to fulfill the lab's requirement. A few days ago, I awoke with her perched on my chest (did I mention she weighs about 15 lbs?) glaring at me with a Children-of-the-Corn look, telepathically informing me that her food dish as empty, and that if I valued my life and collections of various knick-knacks, I would be wise to get up and make it not so fucking empty (she's got quite the foul mouth). She also made her opinion known today (in the form of snarling and growling) while Eddie was trying to pull a hissing, howling Garfield out of the chimney (srsly) to go to the vet.

Truly, she is evil. And powerful. And very opinionated.

Now, I have avoided informing her of the upcoming road trip and transoceanic flight. Partly this is to avoid alarming the other cats, but I must admit, I fear for my safety. When I booked her flight the other day, I found myself trembling with terror, wondering just what she might do if (when) she discovers that her accomodations are inadequate. Maybe I should have gotten her a first class ticket. She will be most annoyed when she learns that not only is she flying cargo class, but she is being classified as "excess baggage". I just hope they don't label her as "overweight" as well, or she might take telekinetic control of the plane and land us in Peru or something. She would do that, just for spite, knowing how expensive it would be for me -- as the owner of the creature responsible for what happened -- to get the plane and all of its passengers back on track to Okinawa.

She will learn of the trip soon. Very soon. I can only keep it from her for so long. Keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't go completely batshit.

Here is a picture of our Evil Kitteh:

I would write more, but Annie just got on the couch.

And she's looking at me.


Fear for me, friends...fear for me...

1 comment:

  1. [Insert random "Your pussy hurt your husband" joke here.]