Sunday, May 15, 2011

From the fat chick in the weight room.

Dear boys at the gym,

I have to say, you all have very nice bodies. The blond's abs could use some work, but you both have shoulders and arms to die for. Brown-haired dude might want to watch his form on the deadlifts, though. You're just asking for an injury, man.

What? You didn't think I noticed you?

Lads, every wall in the weight room is a floor to ceiling mirror. I assure you, I noticed.

Which means I also noticed the way you two were looking at me. And I noticed Blond's smirk. And noticed Brown's incredulous look, eyeroll, and sarcastic laugh. Kinda hard to miss, you know?

I know you don't see too many girls in here that aren't already fit and ogle-worthy, but really, would it kill you to at least pretend not to notice? Or pretend not to be quite so amused by it? I mean, it's not like I don't know. Those mirrors make sure I know exactly why I'm here to begin with, so I really don't need any more negative reinforcement than what I have looking back at me every time I glance at my reflection.

I'm sorry we can't all be flawless, size zero eyecandy. I mean, really. The nerve of someone like me going to a fitness center -- where people go to lose weight -- when I'm not already slim and perfect. How absurd!

Tell you what: you keep your eyes on your own workout, or at least keep your reactions to yourself, and I promise I won't look at your crotch, meet your eyes, snicker to myself, and walk away. Deal?


The Fat Chick in the Weight Room


  1. That makes me so mad, that you would make these health decisions and then get slammed for them. It sounds like a small thing to some people--rolled eyes, smirks--but they feel like assaults after awhile. Don't let them fuck up your journey towards whatever your health goals are. This is about what's best for you. So spin on it, tossers!

  2. Those BASTEGES!

    Also, I feel your pain. Went for a walk the other day and two yahoos deliberately hit a puddle, soaked me and honked and laughed. Again, I say BASTEGES!

  3. Fuckers. The next time you go in, you should totally walk up to the mirror and squint at the reflection of their crotches in the mirrors. Then when you finally get their attention (as in, when they stop looking at each other's bodies because they're all latently homo for each other) tell them the bigger their muscles get, the smaller their microscopic dicks look. Then YOU smirk, roll your eyes and laugh as you walk away.